Batting a Thousand: Check Out These 14 Baseball Couples We’re Root, Root, Rooting For

Kate Upton, Justin Verlander“Take me out to the balllllllll game…”
Okay, fine, it’s on the couch. We’ll bring our own peanuts and Cracker Jacks. We don’t care because, as every new beer, snack…

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Root Down – Jimmy Smith

Jimmy Smith - Root Down  artwork

Root Down

Jimmy Smith

Genre: Jazz

Price: $ 7.99

Release Date: December 31, 1971

© ℗ 2000 The Verve Music Group, a Division of UMG Recordings, Inc.

iTunes Store: Top Albums in Jazz

Whom should you root for in the Stanley Cup Final?

Haven’t been paying too much attention? Was your team already knocked out? We help you decide whether to get behind the Blues or the Bruins. – NHL

Root Cause – Frazer Bailey

Frazer Bailey - Root Cause  artwork

Root Cause

Frazer Bailey

Genre: Documentary

Price: $ 5.99

Rental Price: $ 0.99

Release Date: September 4, 2018

Root Cause is a feature length documentary based on one man’s extraordinary true story – a 10 year long journey to find the root cause of his panic attacks, anxiety, chronic fatigue, nausea, dizziness, agitation and insomnia. Interviews with expert health professionals from all over the world provide incredible insights into how an infected root canal can effect other health functions of the body. Featuring leaders in their fields like Dr. Mercola, Dr. Dawn Ewing and Dr. Jerry Tennant; the wealth of knowledge from these experts is cutting edge. The narrative story that runs alongside the interviews is as action-packed as it is heart wrenching. It is an incredibly personal journey of a round-the-world search for answers that is at one moment tear jerking, and laugh out loud funny the next. Root Cause is set to change the way the world looks at holistic health.

© © 2018 Play Pictures

iTunes Store: Top Movies in Independent

News in Brief: Outdoor Movie Guest Excited To Watch Barely Audible ‘Back To The Future’ While Sitting On Tree Root

CHARLOTTE, NC—Thrilled at the prospect of having to constantly reposition himself while straining to hear the movie’s dialogue, local man Sam Weber was excited Friday to watch a barely audible outdoor screening of Back To The Future from atop a hard, knobby tree root, sources reported. “Oh, man, I can’t wait to tiptoe around hundreds of people’s blankets before realizing the only free spot is on some root that sticks a few inches out of the ground and which will dig into my flesh for two hours,” said Weber, adding that while he’d already seen the sci-fi comedy classic many times, he was looking forward to experiencing it faintly projected onto a canvas hung far off in the distance as moisture from the grass steadily soaks through his pants. “And if I’m lucky, I won’t be able to hear any of the movie …

The Onion

Root Canal or Annual Performance Review?

I hate the annual performance review. I hate it. I hate it the way I hate cleaning toilets and running in to work people outside of work.

Oh, yeah…hi! Soooo….out shopping? Awesome…wow, that is a LOT of lube, isn’t it? I didn’t know they sold Gummy bears in 50 lb. bags. OK then, I’ll see you on Monday.

I dread getting my annual judgement handed down to me. I am instantly transported back to the age where naps were part of school and when my favorite activity was building walls with big cardboard blocks and knocking them down with my boyfriend, Clarence.

I actually had two boyfriends in kindergarten, Clarence and Greg. I didn’t see the point in wasting time when it came to driving my mother out of her head.

Anyway, I hate the work performance review. First of all, if I am doing something wrong, then tell me that I’m doing something wrong. Don’t hoard them throughout the year and dump them on me all at once.

That has only happened a few times, mostly my reviews are awesome. One boss did ask if I could make an effort to not call him an asshole quite so often. My response was to tell him that was entirely up to him. If he didn’t act like an asshole, then I wouldn’t call him an asshole.

I also loathe the self evaluation forms. One place I worked had a form where they listed a crap ton of either/or scenarios and you and to pick between them. But the either/or scenarios were ridiculous. I don’t remember what they specifically said, by they were kind of like this:

Would you say in the past year you have:

A) Saved the company thousands of dollars telepathically


B) Left goat entrails on your neighbors’ doorstep

The other thing I hate about performance reviews is that they are presented by the boss. I have had some good bosses. The boss I have now seems nice and reasonable. He is approachable and pleasant. I can’t complain. I’ve had some bad bosses as well. A few I would say were insane. And that is what we all want, isn’t it? To be evaluated by some fucked up grand poobah on a power trip.

My last boss called me by the wrong name for the first 4 years and loved to bring criticism to performance reviews. He didn’t even know my name, but felt confident he could evaluate my work.

I once had a boss that smelled like boiled cabbage and licked the sores on his arms. He told me in a review that I needed to improve my appearance. He didn’t like the red streaks I had in my hair at the time. He licked his own sores yet felt qualified to judge my hair color choices.

I did have a boss that I got along with. We had a similar sense of humor and worked together well. That didn’t mean that I looked forward to the annual performance review, but did find the experience not quite as painful.

We had to write our own evaluation and turn it in before the actual review. I found one that I wrote for myself and turned in to my boss. This was from 2005.

I find it astounding that I’m expected to evaluate myself. The ways in which I am amazing are apparent and it seems a waste of my time and talent to have to write them down.

Speaking of talent, that is how I want to be referred to from now on. ‘The talent’. Also, and this is something I should have addressed a long time ago, I would like for you to speak to all the other employees and tell them that they are no longer to address me directly. In fact, I would prefer that they avert their eyes when I am in the same room.

As far as my actual talent and contributions go, it would take too long to list all of them and it really grates against my over-developed sense of humility to speak highly of myself. I will just hit the highlights:

Any gains for the company over the last year are entirely due to me. If not my actual effort, then the inspiration that oozes from me like glittery sweat infects those around me and makes them super employees.

My very breath is a cleaning agent. When I exhale, I make the world a better place.

I will agree to continue my employment here, but I do require the following:

I am sure we can both agree that there is no real way to quantify my contribution here. The joy that my presence brings to everyone here cannot be valued. Fortunately, my life is all about helping my fellow humans and I don’t require much. In addition to increasing my paycheck as much as you fucking can, I would also like a helicopter pad built outside my office. I realize this will cut the parking lot down and not everyone will be able to park in front of the building anymore. This shouldn’t pose a problem though, as there is street parking just a few blocks down. I would also like a chocolate milkshake every Thursday afternoon.

Oddly enough, he made me write a second evaluation.

True genius is always under-appreciated.

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Comedy – The Huffington Post
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